Mike was a world-class downhill skier. He lived and breathed downhill skiing and he has been very successful in his sport. He was a recognized and respected athlete.
One day, everything changed.
He was practicing for his next big race, but all of a sudden he fell down during his exercise. Immediately after he had fallen, Mike knew that something wasn’t right: his left leg felt numb.
Two weeks later, Mike was lying in a hospital bed and his left foot had just been operated on.
He was still in the recovery room, when the doctor walked in and told Mike something he didn’t want to hear: “Unfortunately, we had to operate your leg and it can’t handle the downhill skiing anymore. Your racing days will be over,” said the doctor. “You’ll be able to walk just fine, but your leg cannot handle the heavy stress anymore,” the doctor continued.
At first, Mike couldn’t believe what the doctor had just said. Then, he felt a strong disappointment and self-blame towards himself, until he finally just felt sad.
“If I can’t do downhill skiing anymore, what on Earth am I going to do?” Mike was thinking in his mind.
He was lost and his life had no direction at all.
The sound of a closing door
This same scenario could happen in your everyday life too. You have big plans for doing something and you paint fancy pictures of what your future will bring.
Then, out of the blue, something unexpected happens and it changes your plans completely.
In that situation it’s natural to feel disappointed and sad with a lot of questions, because things have changed so radically and unexpectedly.
Also, it’s very easy to wallow in the swamp of self-pity and self-blame, although it’s not going to solve anything. The only thing you know is that you were following a certain path, but then the door closed down in front of you.
You have to find another way to continue your journey.
Sometimes life will get in the way
You might have fancy future plans and then life decides otherwise: you are not able to continue with your original one. This is natural and hardly unavoidable.
But the real question is: how are you going to solve the situation?
The reason that put you in the situation of confusion and shock was caused by unpreparedness for what was coming.
For instance in the Mike’s case, he could’ve acknowledged that the risk of injury is always present in his sport. That would have prepared him mentally for the situation to come.
Also, did you have a backup plan in place? This plan would’ve helped you to get past the disappointment and put your focus on other things instead.
Understandably, it’s not always possible to have a step-by-step plan for every future scenario. However, you should have thought out at least some ideas to explore if one door closes down.
Life will take something away, but it’ll also give something in return
Years ago I was riding in a train and two old ladies in their 80s were sitting in the seats that were just behind me. I could hear their conversation and I can remember one lady talking to the other.
She told the other lady how her eyesight was becoming so weak she was unable to do her painting anymore. Instead, she found music to be her inspiration now and she also said: “If life will take something away from you, it’ll also give you something in return.”
I thought that this was wonderfully said and I couldn’t agree more!
But how does this help you to encounter the unexpected?
First of all, understand that in life, things are always in a changing state. Something which may feel as stable as a rock now could crack very quickly in the next moment.
When you understand this concept and apply this to your life, you can start mentally preparing for what could be happening later in your life.
Second, when you face the unexpected, it’s natural to feel disappointed and confused – sometimes even angered.
However, you should be doing some planning in advance – just in case things aren’t moving along as expected.
This would help you to avoid the feeling of helplessness, since you have already figured things out on what to do when a door closes down.
Third, keep in mind that life will always carry on. No matter how much of a pessimistic view you might have at one moment, life will open another door for you.
Here’s how to deal with things when a door that shuts down in front of you
1. Accept what happened. The sooner you accept and understand what just happened, the faster you will recover from disappointment.
This is something that is not necessarily going to happen overnight, so take as much time as you need.
2. Let the dust settle down. Self-blame, self-pity, anger, disappointment, frustration. The bigger the closed door was, the more emotional you are going to feel about it.
Unfortunately, wallowing in the sea of negative feelings is not going to help you feel any better. In fact, it could make things even worse.
Like with point #1, the time and understanding will do its magic here too. The sooner you put your focus on the future instead of looking back, the faster the recovery process will start.
3. Have a support group. One way to deal with the situation is to have a support group in place. This could be your spouse, your friends or people who have had the same kinds of experiences like you.
Talking about your experiences will take the pressure off your mind and will help you to deal with the situation.
4. Figure out your options. Sit down and have a meeting with yourself: what are your options, what are you going to do next?
Jot down some ideas on what you could possibly explore next. Although the one door may have just closed down, you still have plenty of ways to express yourself in your life.
5. Feel grateful. Don’t think that the past experiences were useless – even if you can’t continue with your preferred path.
In fact, you should appreciate the experiences that you had, since they grew you as a person, into who you are now.
When you do that, you also feel happier and more content than before.
With these steps, I hope that dealing with the unexpected becomes easier. I tend to think that when a door is closed down, it pushes us into the direction that life wants.
Life is always perfect and it just executes the script that’s pre-written for us.
In Conclusion
As you know by now, life might have plans that differ from your personal ones. That’s why it’s always important to keep this in mind.
At the same time, it’s relieving to understand, that life will open new doors – or routes – that you can explore. You just have to be willing to move on and take the first step towards your new life.
And by the way, you may be wondering what happened to Mike? Well, he was sad for sure, but it didn’t last very long.
Since he had a lot of expertise in downhill skiing, he started a blog about it and it grew into one of the biggest downhill skiing sites on the Internet.
Not only does Mike earn a full-time living through his online business, he is also coaching young and coming down-hill stars for their future careers.
At the same time, he talks to them about the importance of appreciating the moment and having a backup plan – just in case something unexpected happens.
Over to you: How do you handle the situation, when a door closes down?
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Timo Kiander, a.k.a. Productive Superdad, teaches WAHD superdad productivity for work at home dads.