Whether it’s a major life crisis such as losing your job or a daily setback like spilling your coffee on your clothes on the way to work, you can bounce back by using these five tools.
Acceptance
We tend to spend a lot of time denying that something bad is happening to us.
It’s called denial and it’s actually a protective measure designed to give us more time to adjust to whatever has just walloped us.
But denying the reality of what has happened to you for too long can get you into a lot of trouble as your problem continues and you don’t respond to it.
So the first part of acceptance is moving out of denial. Take a realistic look at your situation and see it for what it is.
A second vital component of acceptance is non-resistance.
Have you ever played with a Chinese Finger Puzzle? You insert your fingers into both ends of a little woven-paper tube and then try to get them back out.
The problem is, the more you try to pull your fingers out, the tighter the trap closes around them. The only way to release yourself is to move toward the puzzle rather than against it. Then the tube opens up and you can easily remove your fingers.
Life is like this, too.
When crisis enters your life, you may feel the urge to resist it, to make it go away. But this will only tighten the grip of stress and anxiety on you.
It happened. Don’t resist it, move toward it. The accompanying relaxation will help you better be able to problem-solve and work your way out of your predicament.
Perspective
Remember two things:
1. There’s always more than one way to look at a problem. It could be that it has come into your life to teach you something. Perhaps a change in your job situation or relationship is actually opening up opportunities for you that you never knew existed before.
2. You have made it through tough times in the past. Our tendency, when in a crisis, is to get so caught up that it feels like we’ll never make it through.
But stop for a minute and think about other times in your life where you experienced adversity. You made it through, didn’t you?
And you will this time, too.
Social Support
Dealing with a crisis is not the time to suck it up and go it alone. Research studies on resilience are clear about this: having friends and family who support you is vital to your ability to bounce back in life.
Even if you just have one person that you can talk with, use that person to help you relieve some of your stress and problem-solve.
You’re not being a wimp by allowing others to help you, you’re being very wise and efficient in addressing a tough problem.
Positive Actions
Research over the past fifteen years or so has shown that developing positive emotions not only feels good, but it allows your body and mind to increase their ability to problem-solve, gain confidence, and overcome the effects of the negative emotions that come along with stress.
Here are three research-based methods to develop positive emotions:
1. Be grateful. Even jotting down things you are grateful for one time a week can boost positive emotions.
2. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the art of being in the present moment without judgment. Take a few minutes to just notice your surroundings or close your eyes and concentrate on your breath. As thoughts come into your mind, just let them go without judging them. Just notice them and let them go.
Developing mindfulness allows you to release habits of negative thoughts/emotions and helps build positive emotions.
3. Practice acts of kindness. Being kind to others creates good feelings for you. Look for ways to help someone else at least once each week.
Learning the lessons/Finding the gifts
Everything that happens in life has something to teach you – even the challenging times.
Look for the lessons and gifts that your current situation is bringing you.
Did you find out who your true friends were?
Did a new opportunity arise for you out of a bad thing happening?
Did you learn that you are more resilient than you thought and can actually survive really tough situations in your life?
The silver lining we see when the sun shines on a grey cloud is magnificent. But we have to have the cloud in order to experience the beauty.
Next time you’re faced with one of life’s curveballs, use these five tools and you’ll hit it out of the park!
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Bobbi Emel is a psychotherapist who blogs about bouncing back in life. Download her FREE guide: Bounce Back! 5 keys to survive and thrive through life’s ups and downs. You can find more of Bobbi’s writing at The Bounce Blog.