Unstoppable Vision Key #1: Be a World-Class Buddy-Thanker!
A great strategy for building an unbeatable team is to become a “world-class buddy thanker.” When you live with an attitude of gratitude, it becomes natural to catch others doing things right. But let me ask you an eye-opening question. Who are the people in our lives we tend to forget to thank the most?
I’ve asked this question in every seminar I’ve ever taught, and have always heard similar responses. The people we most often forget to thank are those to whom we are the closest—our spouse, children, parents, or the people we work beside everyday. When triggered by the question we see how easily we can fall into the habit of taking the people we love most for granted. We can rationalize that we don’t need to tell the prized people in our lives know how we feel about them because they should already know, but the end result of neglect is decay and diminution. The more we fall into the habit of taking others for granted and withholding our appreciation, the more disconnected we become from the countless blessings in our lives.
Have you ever looked up into a brilliant blue sky and spotted a brightly colored hot-air balloon floating on the breeze? Once when I stood enjoying such a scene, the thought struck me that fresh, exciting relationships are like those beautiful balloons. They are light, vibrant, and colorful. Filled with energy, they soar effortlessly. They are lighter than air! That’s just the way we feel when we fall in love, welcome our children into the world, join a new team, or make a new friend. It feels so easy and natural to thank our buddies when we’re in the “glow.”
But what happens when we begin to take them for granted? As I pictured the balloon it occurred to me that the first time we forget to express our thanks, it’s as if we take an acupuncture needle and pierce the balloon. Acupuncture needles are so skinny, the small puncture wouldn’t cause the balloon to explode all at once. Yet the instant the needle pierces the balloon, it starts a slow leak. Each succeeding time you forget to thank your buddy and take him or her more for granted, it’s as if you stick another needle in the balloon, and then another, and another, until eventually enough of the small leaks accumulate, and the balloon begins to fall. As it drops out of the sky, it will look as if the color fades away. With our relationships it will feel as if the spark has begun to fade. Where there was once spirit, energy, and connection, there will be emptiness and detached coexistence.
How do you reverse this downward cycle and keep your relationships alive and energized? The answer is found in an important concept called the principle of exaggeration. A simple example will make this principle crystal clear.
When I was a swimming coach, a common technique flaw that many of the kids needed to overcome in the freestyle stroke (or crawl) was the habit of not pulling far enough under the center of their body where they had the greatest leverage and power. But if I attempted to correct swimmers who had developed a wide arm pull by saying, “Pull down the center-line of your body,” what do you think they said to me in response?
Looking at me as if I had lost my marbles, they’d reply in exasperation, “I am!” That’s exactly the same response you’ll often receive from those around you when you tell them to make positive changes. As a coach it is crucial to remember that what you see may not match what your proteges are feeling. These kids had become comfortable pulling wide under their bodies. The feeling was ingrained as a habit. They already thought they were performing correctly.
That meant it did absolutely no good to tell them how to do it. What did I need to do to help them make the desired change? I had to apply the principle of exaggeration. I instructed them to pull as far across their body underwater as they could so the right hand swept way left under their bodies, and the left hand crossed way over to the right. As soon as they attempted to follow these instructions, guess where they pulled? Zap! Their pull came right down under the center-line of the body!
As they exaggerated in this way, how do you think it felt? At first, it was strange and uncomfortable. But the more they stayed with it, the more natural the motion became. Soon they settled into the new habit.
Taking those we love and appreciate for granted is nothing more than a habit. You can apply the principle of exaggeration to invigorate your relationships by becoming a world-class-buddy thanker just as the swimmers applied the principle to improve their strokes. Write personal cards to friends, teammates, clients, and family members expressing your gratitude and admiration even when it’s not their birthday or anniversary. These “happy, heck-of-it” cards will delight the recipients, and they will once again know they are important. E-mail (which stands for ENERGY mail!) and voice mail provide fantastic opportunities to give compliments and to say thanks. Create “moments” for the special people in your life by giving unexpected gifts, arranging surprise events, or simply taking the time to be fully present as you tell them how much you appreciate them.
The example you set as a world-class buddy thanker will stimulate great support within your team. In all the studies undertaken to examine the effects of recognition and acknowledgment, not one has found a business, team, or family that had too much! Make it a regular habit to ask yourself, “What am I truly grateful for right now?” Instantly, you’ll remember an important truth that will both humble and inspire you. As Olympic champion Wilma Rudolph expressed so perfectly, “No matter what great things you accomplish, somebody always helps you.”
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Brian Biro is America’s Breakthrough Coach! He is one of the nation’s foremost speakers and teachers of Leadership, Possibility Thinking, Thriving on Change, and Team-Building. A former vice-president of a major transportation corporation and the author of 9 books including bestseller, Beyond Success! Contact Brian at www.BrianBiro.com
-who are some people you can reach out to right now that have played an important role in your life? If they came to mind, don’t delay — act now!