There you are thinking to yourself that you’d like to be more social with others. You have admired all of those outgoing people who seem to get all of the attention they want.
Nope, you are not like those people. You don’t like social encounters that much and in fact, you have sometimes avoided getting into one on purpose.
You clearly aren’t satisfied about your current state of affairs, that’s for sure. That’s why you want to change and be different from what you are now.
Although you recognize the need for change, you want it to happen instantly. Unfortunately, there are no magic tricks to turn you into a social and outgoing person. The change takes time and deep inside, you know this as well.
Understanding the time component
There is clearly one thing that’s not right: Your desire for a change is not aligned with your actions. In other words, you want to make the change, but you don’t want to take even the first step to achieve it. Unfortunately, there are no tricks to make the change happen without taking any action.
The change is also going to take time. If you do it too fast, it will make you more likely to fail than if you take more gradual steps. However, since you want the change now, the gradual process is not appealing to you.
Sacrificing your current comfort
On a deeper level – not taking action or not wanting to spend too much time on a proper change – is a result of a fear of sacrifice. What that means is that you should give up on something in order to get something back in return. Yet, this is something you are not willing to do.
You also know that you have to face uncomfortable situations in order to change. On the other hand, putting yourself out there and being in front of the attention is the sacrifice you have to experience in order to get to your goal. Another sacrifice is that you also have to open your mouth in social situations – even if you don’t want to.
You have to sacrifice your comfort zone in order to reach the desired outcome.
The change starts now
If you want to change, you have to do the work to make it happen. However, you can make things easier for yourself when you follow these guidelines.
First, start making the gradual changes NOW! The more you postpone starting the change process, the longer it’s going to take and the more frustrated you will become since you aren’t satisfying yourself.
Second, understand that change is a longer process if you want to make it successful. You just can’t snap your fingers and be a different person instantly. Instead, the change requires time and the sooner you are comfortable with that idea, the more you will be able to tolerate the possible setbacks during your journey.
Finally, you need to start acting like the person you want to be in the future now. This is probably the most fundamental lesson I have learned when it comes to making changes in myself. The sooner you start acting like the future you and the sooner you take those gradual action steps, the sooner you’ll become the person you want to be.
Put the wheels in motion
When starting the change process, the first step is to get the wheels rolling. Once you do that, you gain momentum and you start to make progress.
Use these steps to turn your change engine on and achieve the momentum:
1. It’s not visible or measurable instantly. Understand that the change may not be visible or even measurable at first. If you are willing to accept this, the more likely you are going to succeed and you won’t quit if something unexpected comes and gets into your way.
2. Do gradual changes. Instead of making sudden and drastic changes, decide to make gradual ones instead.
For instance, if you want to become more social in your everyday life, start saying “hi” to the person working at the cash register. Proceed bit by bit and later you can ask how he/she is doing. Then, implement the same strategy into other social situations you’d like to improve.
3. Appreciate the small victories. Feel grateful of the progress you have made so far. Even if that small victory seems to be insignificant, appreciate it still.
Understand that this very victory is needed to help you to reach your goal.
4. Have a support group. Make sure your friends or family is with you on your journey, so that you have someone to talk to and an audience to share your progress with.
Sometimes you may feel that you want to quit what you are doing, but talking to your support group can put things back on track and you will be more willing to continue on your chosen path.
5. Allow the failure and praise yourself about it. This final thing may seem counter-intuitive, but the sooner you fail, the better. In other words, every time you fail at something, you’ll learn something new.
Remember that those lessons are valuable and they help you to prepare better for the similar situations in the future.
Conclusion:
Changing yourself isn’t going to happen instantly.
However, when you make gradual changes in your everyday life and start acting like the person you want to become in the future, the change is more certain to happen and the transformation is more likely to be successful.
Over to you: What is the smallest piece of action you can do right now to start the change process inside you?
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Timo Kiander, a.k.a. Productive Superdad, teaches WAHD superdad productivity for work at home dads.