Last weekend I experienced a ‘moment’ with my daughter Kelsey that I will never forget. I’m writing to all of you dads with daughters out there because I don’t want you to miss YOUR moment. I want you to have a treasure that will stay with you as long as you live.
My wife Carole and I drove from our home in Asheville last Friday to meet Kelsey in Washington DC. Her best friend Maggie and our younger daughter Jenna were flying in to meet us as well. This trip was for an once-in-a-lifetime event…we were coming together to buy Kelsey her wedding dress!
Now, I am a fairly typical male in that shopping is about as high on my list of activities as a root canal! I normally have a lot of energy, but put me in a mall or clothing boutique and I find myself desperately searching for a chair, a sofa, a big box, somebody’s lap…anything I can sit on! When Kelsey first asked me to come and help her find her wedding dress I pictured myself being a dead weight throughout the day. I know as much about wedding dresses as I do nuclear physics!
My initial impulse was to pass on the day and figured that Kelsey had asked me just to be kind, that she really didn’t want me there. I called her a week or two before the big weekend and tried to make it easy for her to tell me it really didn’t matter to her if I came. But, to my surprise she truly wanted me to be a part of the day. It really mattered to her. I love my daughter more than I can ever adequately express so if it meant something to her that was enough for me! Despite my style and fashion affliction I was IN!
By 5:00 that Saturday afternoon I had experienced one of the best days of my life! All day long at three wildly different wedding dress boutiques I had sat with a huge grin on my face as my gorgeous daughter tried on dozens of lovely wedding dresses. She was radiant and glowing. She took my breath away. Carole, Jenna, and Maggie all offered insightful, brilliant observations to help Kelsey with her decision. All I did was grin and kept tumbling out the same critique…”You are so beautiful!!”
A couple of times I ventured out with things like, “That’s really slimming” or “I love the bow in the back” and everyone humored me by pretending there was actual value in what I had to say. But I knew better. I was a complete ignoramus about style, fit, and look. But I didn’t care. All that mattered to me were the indelible portraits that were being permanently framed in my heart as I watched my little girl who had grown into such an amazing woman try on dress after dress.
As the day ended, one of those pictures stood above all the rest. In the moment that Kelsey decided on HER dress and we all said, “It’s YOURS,” I saw the happiness in my daughter that I have wanted her to experience since the day she was born. Joy flew out of her and wrapped us all in its glow as she announced, “I’m really getting married!”
Since that inexpressibly wonderful day I’ve tried to figure out why Kelsey actually wanted me there with her. And I think I know. This is what I want all of you dad’s with young daughters to get. No one ever told me this when my girls were small. I just lucked into it. But no matter what you’ve done before, you can get this one right now!
I think the reason Kelsey wanted her goofball dad there to share her day was that I never missed the other moments that mattered to her as she was growing up. I went to every dance performance, every school assembly and awards program, every parade, every college scouting trip. I was there to help her find her high school graduation dress. I was just as inept then as I am now. But here’s the key. I didn’t just show up at these events I LOVED them…because I loved HER! I was fully present and that communicated beyond words to her that she is important. That’s what our children most need to know… that they are significant, that they matter, and that they are important.
In that entire day of shopping for Kelsey’s wedding dress I didn’t see another father in any of the stores with their daughters. Don’t let that be you. Be there, be present, and enjoy every precious moment. Though you may think you’re doing it for them, the happiness and fulfillment will come back to you tenfold.
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Brian Biro is America’s Breakthrough Coach! He is one of the nation’s foremost speakers and teachers of Leadership, Possibility Thinking, Thriving on Change, and Team-Building. A former vice-president of a major transportation corporation and the author of 9 books including bestseller, Beyond Success! Contact Brian at www.BrianBiro.com
-whether you’re a parent or not, I hope you got the importance in the lesson above. You’re thoughts are always welcome in the comments below.